Bitter Sweet

I've been in PA for almost a week with my grandma who is getting ready to go be with Jesus. It's been SO tough to watch her struggle. It's like she's in limbo. We've had moments of great awareness where she answers our questions appropriately, smiles and almost laughs. We've had moments of silent sleep which is so peaceful and we've also had moments of great distress watching her body wretch with seizures.
It's hard to watch and I feel guilt ridden to wish it over. Because that means I wish her to be gone forever. It's a tough spot to be in. We want so much for her to be comfortable. We wish her to be free of pain and suffering. We wish her to be home forever with our Lord and to walk the streets of gold with Pappy.
Even now, I sit in her hospital room, watching her sleep, listening to the shallow breaths and wondering if the next one I hear could be her last. Mommom, I love you so much. Thank you for teaching Gabby how to shuck corn, thank you for playing trains with the boys and thank you for taking me into your world, loving me and teaching me the country way of doing just about everything. I will miss you terribly.