This week is Police Officers Memorial Week in Washington DC. Tonight I watched the Candlelight Vigil that was streamed live over the internet. Dave has always told me how moving and emotional the evening is (as he has attended this memorial week for the last few years) and I've always believed him. But tonight, I really saw it. As I sat in my living room, watching the wreaths be placed, hearing the beautiful songs sung and hearing the words of those in government and law enforcement praise those officers who have lost their lives in the line of duty, I was struck again.
Most days, I must live in denial. My husband puts on the uniform and badge, motorcycle boots and helmet and goes to work everyday. I know in some part of my being that there is a chance that he might not come home. But for the most part, I'm planning on his return, somewhere around 7pm. I've planned dinner and the kids are ready to see their Daddy. Do I really believe he won't be home? Ever?
The families who attended this vigil probably didn't think their loved one wouldn't come home either. But, they found themselves in this crazy situation and they were sitting on the lawn by the memorial walls watching this whole thing unfold before them.
I am again struck with how lucky we have been. There have been close calls and many late nights but he's always come home. He's always been there. He hasn't missed a birthday, an anniversary, or a family vacation. These families don't have that luxury.
I don't want to live in denial. I don't want to ever think that our family is immune to tragedy. I don't want to miss an opportunity to say what I feel because I think I'll be able to say it later. I just might not.
I want to live in the moment, always sure that my husband knows I love him, that I'm proud of him, that his kids love and adore him. I want him to know that I appreciate him in every sense. He takes such good care of us. Works so hard so I can stay home with our 3 munchkins. He is an awesome husband and father.
Denial isn't something I want to live in. I might not have time for it.